Empty Seats at Graduation: Celebrating Through Loss

If you are one of the unlucky ones who have lost a parent or a close loved one, we'll explore some ways to navigate this emotional journey and celebrate your achievement while honoring your late parent's memory.

By Jessica Dickenson — November 2, 2023

Tags: acknowledge feelings, grad week, graduation, legacy, senior year, support

Empty Seats at Graduation: Celebrating Through Loss

"Graduates, turn to your mom and dad and say thank you for getting you to this point. You wouldn't be here without them!"

I've heard many commencement addresses (my own included) that include some statement to the effect of the above. While the sentiment is sweet, it makes the bold assumption that the twenty-something-year-olds of the graduating class have two parents. Unfortunately for me and many other students, we only have one parent sitting in the audience.

Graduating from college is a significant milestone, a moment that many students eagerly anticipate. It's a time of celebration and accomplishment, and it's only natural to want to share it with loved ones, including parents. But for those who have lost a parent, this important moment can be bittersweet. Coping with the absence of a parent at graduation due to their passing is a unique and challenging experience.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step in coping with the absence of your parent at graduation is acknowledging your feelings. Even though you are probably excited to finally be done with school, you are going to go through a range of feelings at graduation. It's okay to feel a wide range of emotions from sadness to anger, and even moments of joy in a short period of time, or maybe all at once. Don't feel the need to repress your feelings or be ashamed of your loss.

It may be hard seeing your peers take pictures with their family members when you are missing a vital part of yours. Graduation is a significant life event, and it's natural to wish your parent were there to witness it. Give yourself permission to grieve and feel what you need to feel.

If you don't feel overwhelmed by loss, don't feel like you should! There really isn't a right or wrong way to experience loss. Especially if your loved one died years ago, you may feel well-equipped to process your loss prior to the event or it may no longer bother you. Don't feel like you have to give a performance just because you feel it is expected of you. Graduation is YOUR day!

Keep Their Memory

Consider dedicating your graduation day to your late parent at least in part. This could be in the form of a heartfelt speech, a moment of silence, or wearing something that reminds you of them, like a piece of their jewelry. By dedicating the day to their memory, you keep them close in spirit.

Another way to include your deceased parent in your graduation is to set up a small memorial at your celebration. A table with photographs, candles, or a keepsake from your parent can serve as a loving tribute. Invite friends and family to share their own stories and memories of your parent, making it a collective celebration.

Lean on Support

Even though your graduation day is a time to celebrate, it's also an opportunity to lean on the support of friends and family. Let those around you know how you're feeling and tell them if you need some extra support. You don't have to go through this day alone! Chances are your other parent, siblings, grandparents, and/or loved ones will understand and have similar feelings of loss.

You don't just have to lean on loved ones. If the emotions surrounding your parent's absence become overwhelming, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance and strategies for coping with grief, especially during major life events like graduation.

Carry On Their Legacy

One way to honor your parent's memory is to carry on their legacy through your accomplishments. While they may not be present at your graduation, they would be so proud of you! Share your achievements with your parent's friends and family, and let them know how much their support and love have contributed to your success. Although you may have had to walk across the stage without your parent, you proved to yourself and others just how strong you are, and that is worth celebrating!

Graduation is a significant accomplishment in your life, and it's only natural to want to share it with your loved ones, especially your parents. When one of your parents is no longer there due to their passing, it can be an emotional challenge. However, while your parent's presence may be missed, their love and influence will always be a part of your journey.

Jessica Dickenson

Jessica Dickenson graduated from Wisconsin Lutheran College with degrees in English and communication. She has applied her abilities working as a young marketing professional for a local university but works as a freelance writer and photographer in her spare time. She currently resides in Milwaukee, Wisconsin with her husband.

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