Staying Emotionally Healthy

Being kind and loving to yourself is a direct route to healing and emotional health. Here are several tips to support your emotional wellness when you are dealing with life's ups and downs.

By Sharon Callender — October 20, 2022

Tags: college life, emotion, general info, health, high school, mental health, motivation

We've all had situations in our academic or personal life that left us feeling like we wanted to give up and never take another step forward. They can weigh us down and hijack our happiness and sense of motivation.

Whatever the scenario was for you—a breakup, a failed class, a triggering social media post, or an end of a friendship—the situation and the negative emotions it created doesn't have to hold you hostage forever.

Being kind and loving to yourself is a direct route to healing and emotional health. Here are several tips to support your emotional wellness when you are dealing with life's ups and downs.

What Do You Believe About Yourself?

Our internal image of who we are is one of the most important factors in maintaining emotional health.

No one can believe in your ability to do great things until you believe it. How we experience the world and the view from our internal window determines our life. It directly impacts our emotional wellness.

How do you speak to yourself? What does your "self-talk" sound like? Are your words kind and encouraging, or do you use critical, harsh words?

One way to counteract a negative internal voice, which says you can't, you've failed before, you shouldn't try this again, is to remember two things: No day is identical. Every day is a new start. Nature confirms this with all that we encounter through our five senses. Think about it. The sun rises and sets at a new time every day, and the moon has ever-changing phases. What you experience each day is constantly evolving, and so are you. There is always ample room for expansion and change in life and within yourself. Use this "nature" perspective to fill you with the optimism to embrace what is possible for you.

Another helpful and fun activity is taking a brief walk each morning or afternoon to intentionally observe what looks different from the day before. Being mindful of the newness around you, whether the cars passing by, the people, or the clouds in the sky, sparks an internal appreciation of a fresh, clean slate where anything is possible. It will help you to remember yesterday is over, and you can begin again. Bring into the new moment only what is beneficial for your life, and leave the rest in yesterday's trash can.

During this walk, you can also reflect on the people, places, and things you are grateful for.

Visualization

Shifting from mentally rehearsing what might happen in your life to what IS happening.

When we are asked to do something new or something we fear, the thought of it can trigger stress. We trick our brains into worrying by pondering the possibility of things going wrong based on past scenarios or our imagination.

To help you tackle the emotionally draining monster of stress, view it from the lens of a STRESS acronym (Spending Time Rehearsing Every Scary Scenario). Use your imagination to mentally zoom in on the polar opposite of fear: love/self-love.

Closing your eyes, take a deep breath, and visualize a recent win or an achieved goal in any area of your life. It could be the midterm you aced, working out and completing additional reps, or being asked to take on a leadership role. Feel the emotions associated with this big or small accomplishment. Are you smiling? Are you laughing? Who is with you? Savor it all. Let this be the movie you replay in your mind. Use it as a tool to remind yourself of what a successful outcome looks and feels like.

When the twinge of worry begins, this activity encourages you to lean into a positive headspace instead of self-sabotaging fear-based thoughts. Staying in this mental headspace for 2-3 minutes daily will help ease the grip of stress.

Attempting is Your "Superpower"

Attempting and not completing something or never getting the desired results can feel like a failure. But not if you change the way you perceive your attempts. What if you reimagined the word attempt and saw it as an A TEMP, a temporary exploration, something that you tried which you did not have to finish or do perfectly for it to be classified as a success?

Maybe the attempt was putting yourself out there by auditioning for the Fall semester theatre production or a solo part in the choir, but you didn't get the part. The hidden win is the courage, self-belief, and willingness to take risks from taking a dip in unknown waters. These confidence-building moments expand your self-leadership skills and activate the ability to unplug fear and plug into bravery.

Start seeing each new risk you have taken or any "failure" as a step toward maturity and self-improvement. If you feel stuck in the space of criticism, immediately support yourself with these words: I am proud of myself because I am willing and able to allow this experience to change my life positively. Take some time to ponder or journal about those changes and how you are growing.

Attempting things in your life opens the door to more profound self-discovery and finding meaning in all our life experiences.

See Yourself with Eyes of Love

When you feel insecure or face self-doubt, try switching your internal point of view. Imagine your younger self: see this little version of you as a precious being you are entrusted to care for. Like a beloved pet or a baby brother or sister, you would do whatever you can to protect and keep them safe. See yourself through the eyes of compassion and loving-kindness. Doing this makes it easier to be kind to yourself.

Who is in Your Inner Circle?

Who are the people you are allowing into your world? Only invite those who are on your side and are supportive of you. If you need to evaluate your current circle of friends to determine how they influence you, think about each person and consider if they are adding value to your life or taking away. Do I feel emotionally drained or unseen when I interact with this person? Who we surround ourselves with greatly impacts molding the person we become. Jim Rohn, a well-known author and motivational speaker, said these powerful words regarding who we allow in our lives: "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." Stay near those individuals who reinforce your growth and your commitment to being the best version of yourself.

Sharon Callender

Rev. Sharon Callender is an interfaith minister, assistant registrar, and coach with certifications in life purpose, mindfulness & spiritual coaching. She specializes in helping individuals discover clarity, healing, and self-love through creative expression. Sharon is also a published fiction author and poet who is currently pursuing her Doctor of Ministry (DMin) degree at The New Seminary.

View all posts by Sharon Callender